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  • gh0xttherebel

ç̛͓r̲̺̤͓ä́ͫ̐ͪ̕c̎́͘͡k̸̰ͤ̀͝ì̛̫͉̳͈ṉ̴̀͝g U̲͓̤͌ͮ͂͒ͅp͍̬͉̳̔

Ok. So a lot of things are not going right. Halloween this year was so highly anticipated even given the pandemic and everything, but it was still difficult to achieve since we have other nonsense being thrown at us. I feel like the presidential election early voting thing really watered down Halloween, but I get it… For obvious reasons, we need to use our civilian right to vote… But dammit why can’t we not just have a LITTLE bit of fun in 2020? Halloween was supposed to be exciting and fun and some people achieved that, but a lot of people couldn’t achieve it like usual and that sucks. I had actually came up with a concept for this year’s Halloween and was going to be Dr. Facilier from the movie the Princess and the Frog, but I still haven’t put it together and my motivation to actually do a photo shoot is decreasing by the day. It really sucks because it was more so going to be a cosplay versus a costume, which is still fine, but again I’m lacking motivation to follow through on it. Adulting is ass… I am seriously lacking fun in my life and now I’m at a point where I have to limit my “multipotentialiteism” (what a great word to say) to try to reestablish balance into my life. Fun is just as much essential as working/adulting. I definitely haven’t had enough (or consistent) fun in a long time… But I have to pull back on some things that I’m doing in order to make room for fun. What a time right? You have to MAKE TIME for fun. Why should you have to make time in order to have fun? Fun is supposed to be nonchalant right? I’m too focused on how to make my hobbies/passions into a career, that the fun is literally drained from me. For example, my latest project: I love editing these Dragon Ball FighterZ videos, but these are seriously taking HOURS of the day away from me that I desperately need for other things. And it sucks… I can’t spend hours a day or even if I broke up the editing process into multiple days, those are still essential hours I need for other things since I’m a multipotentialite. I hate having to limit myself for any reason, but I need to get it into my thick skull that I can’t do everything I’m trying to do right now… That doesn’t mean that I can’t pick this back up anytime in the future, but for right now given that I’m still with this 9-to-5, and I have adult responsibilities, and I’m trying to have a little bit of fun, and I’m trying to take care of myself more by doing self-care priorities, I have to do some limiting somewhere. It’s only temporary… I hope. I really hope I win this Patreon Black Creator Contest in early December because that would definitely give me a breakthrough I’ve desperately worked for.

Now here’s my talk about everything having to do with the election:

This election thing is ass too. Here is my personal opinion about it: I actually don’t like any of the parties. I do prefer one over the other just slightly, but in the grand scheme of everything, I really don’t like either. I wish we can just be vacant of a president to see how that goes because our “leader“ hasn’t really been stimulating or helping the economy for the last four years. Other parties are just as at fault, but you know where I’m coming from. I’m not even that big into politics either, but just the feeling of the type of air that I experience every time I go outside does speak volumes of what life is with the current president in the White House. He’s not even the main entity in charge. He’s a pawn that soaks up a lot of TV time and a lot of people focus their energy on him because they feel like he is the main problem. He is not the main problem, but he is still a problem. That’s just my take on it, but I don’t like either of them. Why can’t we just have a leader that’s from the streets or had to work from lower or middle class to go all the way up? It’s always the same type of people that come to power and that’s dumb as hell. Well anyway, today is election day. I’ve already done my early voting but I definitely want or would try to stay away from social media to not be bombarded with everything, but I feel like it’s pretty unavoidable… I just hope that everyone in the world can heal a little bit from whatever decision is made, because 2020 is too fucking much on a daily basis. I hate how on a daily basis we are told one thing and then hours later we are told a different thing. How we are told all these problems with very little to no solution? Should we stay inside? Are we allowed to go outside? What about if we need groceries? Is social distancing still being heavily enforced in these places? What’s going on with these stimulus checks? Why is it taking so long for a bill to be passed to help the fucking economy?! Is this all a power game for the elite? Why is Jeff Bezos not helping in the situation where he makes millions of dollars seamlessly in ONE second?! Why can’t the elite help the world? Would it hurt their ego? Would it hurt their already infinite amount of money? WHAT IS IT?!?! Everything is such a joke at this point that I don’t know what move to do next. No proper solution has been given and we are at least half the year into this chaos. People are definitely not taking these restrictions seriously anymore since our numbers are spiking this fall/winter season. This should’ve been taken of months ago, but the right plan was not implemented, the right amount of severity was not taken and extended, and now everything seems to be going to shit. Even me feeling somewhat “safe“ for still having my job (which I’m grateful for) still gives me anxiety of “what if it’s still not enough?... what if something goes wrong? Why do I still feel like this even when the powers that be should be helping IMMEDIATELY?!” Everything just sucks.

I don’t know what to expect later tonight when the election is over… I’m just so focused on being ok for the next few hours, let alone the next day... every... single... day.

Thanks for reading this. I hope you’re well and if you’re not, don’t worry because I’m there with you. So we’re in this together. You are not alone.

No Matter How Much It Hurts, Move Forward.

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